Donating after bereavement

The gift of Sadhbh’s milk

Trigger warning: baby loss.

Donating breast milk after a loss of a baby was something I had never thought about or realised was possible but why would I have? Baby loss was something I had never experienced before. 

On the 6^th November 2025 we discovered we were pregnant with Sadhbh. We were so excited to have another child and for Saoirse, our eldest daughter, to get a sibling. I secretly was excited about breastfeeding a baby again. I had always loved breastfeeding Saoirse. There was something incredibly special about that closeness – the quiet moments together, the feeling of being able to nourish her and give her exactly what she needed and the feeling of pride that I could do it. I had looked forward to experiencing that again during this pregnancy. I imagined holding Sadhbh close against my skin, feeding her and having that same precious bond.

Sadly, quite early on in the pregnancy we discovered that Sadhbh had a condition called Skeletal Dysplasia & specifically the type called Thanatophoric Dysplasia Type 1. This meant that she wouldn’t survive very long after birth. One of the hardest parts of losing her was knowing that I would never get to breastfeed her in the way I had so loved doing with her sister. We were devastated but we made a promise to enjoy every moment of the pregnancy and to make sure that Sadhbh’s life was cherished and had a meaning.

A few weeks before her arrival it was mentioned to me in the hospital that I could consider donating my breast milk if I felt like it was appropriate for me. I was so surprised that this was an option. I of course knew that milk donation happened but I had never thought that mothers could or would donate after losing their child. It gave me a little bit of excitement to think I could do this but I also made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t put pressure on myself to decide to do it before Sadhbh’s arrival and to instead make the decision after Sadhbh had passed to see how I felt. 

Sadhbh was born on the 25th June 2026 and it was one of the happiest days of my life. My cheesy grin in all of the photos definitely showed that. Despite knowing what was going to happen I was just so excited to meet my beautiful girl, to hold her, to feel her against my skin, to hear her cry and to see her meet our family. I am so proud to be her mum. When Sadhbh passed, I knew I wanted to donate my breast milk or should I say Sadhbh’s milk. The idea of donating Sadhbh’s milk made me feel even more connected to her. The thought that Sadhbh’s milk could help preterm babies who desperately needed it. Babies who were fighting to grow stronger. Babies whose families were going through their own difficult journeys gave me comfort. Knowing that something my body had made for my daughter could instead help another little baby felt incredibly meaningful to me.

My bereavement midwife connected me to Hearts Milk Bank and a wonderful midwife called Gemma talked me through the process both practically and emotionally. It was a fairly straightforward process involving completing a health questionnaire and screening my blood for infections. Gemma was so kind. There was no pressure to donate, just lots of encouragement and support. After speaking with Gemma, I knew I wanted to donate and that donating could help with my grief and from that day I started to express.

I won’t lie it wasn’t easy at first. I wondered if my body would allow me to donate. I had learnt whilst breastfeeding with Saoirse that holding your baby close, especially skin to skin, helped to increase your milk supply. With Sadhbh not around would my body let my milk come in and for my supply to increase. It took a few days for my milk to fully come in and for the colostrum phase to end but during this phase I just kept thinking of Sadhbh. I knew we both could do it. When my supply fully came in I was so delighted.

It has been 13 weeks now since I started donating and it is going well and I am really proud of myself. The milk bank continues to be a source of support for me picking up the milk but also checking that donating is still the right decision for me. My midwives have also been wonderful and my partner and I have been having regular counselling sessions with Petals who have given us the space to talk about our situation but also celebrate Sadhbh and the decisions we have taken. 

Expressing has become part of my daily routine and it gives me the quiet time to think of Sadhbh in the most positive way and to help me deal with the loss. Donating has become a way of giving my daughter a legacy. That her life can still make a difference. Her existence can still have an impact. The milk I had made for her is helping other babies, and in some small way, I feel that a part of her is living on through that.

I will always wish that I could have fed my daughter myself. I will always wish that I had been given the chance to watch her grow and to experience all the ordinary, beautiful moments of motherhood with her.

But I am grateful that, after her death, I was able to give something in her name and through donating Sadhbh’s milk, I hope that her life will continue to make a difference – helping babies who need it and carrying her legacy forward in a way that feels incredibly special to me.