I was unexpectedly diagnosed with bowel cancer after giving birth to my second daughter. I was trying to process this awful situation, rushing from appointment to appointment (sometimes mine, sometimes baby’s) ahead of major surgery. Alongside this, I was struggling to breastfeed my tiny baby, working to a triple feeding regime and hoping things would improve.
After receiving the diagnosis and treatment plan, I was devastated at the prospect of having to end our breastfeeding journey early for cancer treatment. Every parent wants to give their child their best start to life, and for me this included breastfeeding. It also represented my drive to be the new mum that I wanted to be and bond with my newborn on my terms.
With helpful signposting from local contacts and self-advocacy I applied for donor milk from the Hearts Milk Bank (unbelievably, at the time, mums like me with cancer were not eligible to receive donor milk from the local milk bank as stipulated by the CCG). The team at Hearts asked about my situation and immediately wanted to help. They made the process as easy as possible with minimal admin, and an amazing blood biker brought the donor milk nearly 200 miles across the country to my door.
How amazing, that mums pumping on the other side of the country and the whole Hearts Milk Bank operation could help me and my baby at this moment of great need. Donor milk nourished my tiny baby whilst I was unable or too unwell to feed her from hospital and supported the transition back to the breast where we could resume exclusive feeding.
At times, I felt happy that my baby had been born so small (third centile) because I could hold her and feed her after my first operation. After my second operation I felt so unwell that I couldn’t always summon the energy able to sit up and talk, so my husband, baby and I would sit in silence whilst I breastfed her, then they would leave. I felt amazing that I could give her this life-giving, comforting gift whilst my body was in physical distress.
I am so proud of what we have achieved. Despite my determination, without the whole Hearts Milk Bank team and the pure generosity of donors, I would forever mourn the abrupt end of our breastfeeding journey. My daughter and I were exclusively breastfeeding following recovery – and at 14 months, it will be a challenge to wean her off the breast. No longer third centile, we call her the “Big Baby” because she is so robust and I feel that our bond is unaffected by the upheaval in the first year of her life. Thank you for giving us such a precious gift when we needed it, and thank you for the sustenance, hope and support that you give to all of the other mums, babies and families.
